but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
