the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
