ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
