last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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