i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
