i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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