my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
