is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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