We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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