I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have aggressive nipples.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
