Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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