I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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