I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
