no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
