i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
