Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My life is pants optional.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
