The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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