awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
