Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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