Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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