Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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