I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
