So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
