Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
