I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
