ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
