mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
