I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
