For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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