Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
