Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
