dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i came on her dog
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
