A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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