i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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