if you like me you must not know who I am
i already hear my dad disowning me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
