Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
