It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
