Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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