Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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