The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
