By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
