i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
