i jhust puked up my retainher.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
