threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
