I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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