If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
