we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
