I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
worst night to have a conscience
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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