Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
