My first STD was from a foam party
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They have beer where we have blood.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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