whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
