I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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