Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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