hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
this hospital has no fireball
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize