you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
