you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
