WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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