I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
