all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
