i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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