It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
