dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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