That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
