driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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