Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
