Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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