6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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