I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
