Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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