So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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