I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize