he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
