I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
